The real resolutions of New York investment bankers in 2019

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New Year's resolutions

Gyms and health food stores are packed to the gills. Everywhere you look, someone is using a piece of exercise equipment incorrectly or sniffing an unfamiliar vegetable with a look of confusion. Bars have more seats available and clear out earlier. No one shows up to the office looking ragged. Ah yes, New Year’s resolution season is here again.

To commemorate the annual test of wills, we reached out to a host of anonymous investment bankers, traders and others who work on the sell-side and the buy-side to see what they are pledging to change in 2019. The only rule – admittedly instituted after receiving several different variations of the same resolution (see above) – is that the commitments had to be directly related to work. More than a few respondents appear a bit cynical about their job. Others come off as more resolute. Hopefully they’ll stick with it this time around and not end up back at the bar or spending another year working in operations. Can you relate?

  • I will not have the majority of my dinners delivered and eaten at my desk.

 

  • Using absolutely every vacation day.

 

  • Fire more people. And I’m not trying to be a [jerk]. I’ve been doing this for 15 years and have never been surrounded by such mediocrity. People who were sh**ty at their job used to get pushed around and just quit. It was great. It made things so much easier. Now, more good people quit than bad and you get stuck.

 

  • Actually look for a new job instead of just pretending to.

 

  • Telling new people who I meet what I do for a living without caring enough to try to spin it one way or the other.

 

  • Ask to take the lead in a client meeting.

 

  • I will not be long or short Netflix this year.

 

  • It’s kind of cliché but I’m going to try to hang out with more people outside of my own group. And outside of banking.

 

  • Delegate more without feeling like I’m going to throw up.

 

  • Make MD or quit.

 

  • I’m going to stop falling for fear-mongering. Or at least try to tune out the noise. The markets are going to crash, machines will take all our jobs, the world is coming to an end. So much time is spent guessing what the next bomb will be and when it will hit. It's exhausting. Even if some fears become a reality, there’s probably nothing I can do about it anyway. I might as well get some sleep first.

 

  • MOVE OUT OF NEW YORK CITY.

 

  • I’m going to say something next time an old white guy mispronounces my name.

 

 

 

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