Week in Review: Cayne says sorry; wait for your bonus at Deutsche

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Bear Stearns officially became an adjunct of JPMorgan, for which Jimmy Cayne offered a personal apology.

The Wall Street Journal ran an article about Bear's last days in one, two, three installments, containing such revelations as Bear Stearns nearly collapsed twice and former boss Alan Greenberg tried performing magic tricks to (bring Bear back from the dead) calm its concerned traders.

In London, Bear bankers are said to be being offered jobs in trading, private banking, sales, operations and infrastructure - but not corporate finance. Two senior US Bear bankers who joined JPMorgan left.

Deutsche Bank was said to be mulling a new multi-year bonus system.

UBS told its former US private bankers not to travel to the US as one of their number prepared to plead guilty to charges of helping a billionaire pay less tax.

UBS also said it's expecting more losses.

Citigroup said its turnaround will take longer than expected, that banks are underestimating losses on their balance sheets, and that they might need to raise more capital.

RBS struggled to offload its insurance arm.

Barclays reduced its consensus earning figures (again).

SocGen found a thousand rogue traders rogue trades. Daniel Bouton was booed, but survived.

New Star introduced a new bonus system.

Structured credit types can take solace in the fact that Citadel seems to be doing a spot of hiring.

House price news went from bad to worse. UK house prices

fell at their fastest rate for 17 years. The Economist said US house prices have fallen more than during the Great Depression (although one reader pointed out that they may have made a mistake).

Moody's said British banks can accommodate a 20% house price drop without raising more capital. However, a US regulator predicted more banks will fail.

Redundancy announcements took a breather, with no new monumental revelations. But Bloomberg said there are still lots more cuts to come. The New York Times said cuts are exacting a 'psychic price' and things are turning nasty.

Someone still has money. Lamborghini announced another year of record profits, although the art market is looking slightly sketchy.

Lawyers and accountants might be the ones splashing out. Clifford Chance announced record profits. Deloitte revealed soaring revenues.

The Times said an oil trader has also done well.

Alternatives are on offer for anyone who's not a lawyer, accountant or oil trader. According to The Economist, there's a shortage of nannies in the US.