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GUEST COMMENT: Acceptable addresses for the investment banker in London

If, unlike me, you are not a born and bred Londoner, you may wonder where you should be living in this city. Worse, you may find yourself living south of the river somewhere east of Clapham.

When selecting your residential location, I therefore suggest you adhere closely to this guide. Failure to do so may lead to social isolation and the shame of throwing a party in a location favoured by hipsters, the bearded, or net tax recipients.


Tier 1 – Knightsbridge / Chelsea / Marylebone / South Kensington

Why? Your boss lives there. There’s always a Waitrose within a stone’s throw of the address. Wander through on a Sunday afternoon and you might see a Fortnum & Mason delivery van parked in the street.

Downside: Dry cleaning costs roughly twice the market rate.


Tier 2 – Earls’ Court / Canary Wharf / Notting Hill / Fitzrovia / Covent Garden

Why? If you live in Notting Hill or Covent Garden, your wife/girlfriend/arty boyfriend will like it and you can feign bohemianism at the weekend. If you live at the Wharf you will have no need of using public transport to get to work and you can sleep in.

Downside: Whilst you are feigning bohemianism you may trip over a tourist. If you live in the Wharf, you’ll spend a long time travelling anywhere at the weekend as the area’s dead both days. The ‘local weekend shopping’ is over-rated, unless you like Gant and Krispy Kreme.


Tier 3 – Clapham / Barbican / Clerkenwell / Paddington / Islington

Why? Beloved of lawyers and PR types, whom bankers turn their noses up at breathing the same air as. A good place to start out but really should be considered a temporary location until you get your first decent bonus.

Downside: Islington and Clapham (especially Clapham) are full of braying mothers, who will soon infiltrate your home via your wife/arty househusband. Barbican and Clerkenwell are full of aspiring hipsters with 9-5 jobs.


Tier 4 – Putney / Battersea / Balham / Chiswick / Barnes / Richmond

Why? Great for children. Almost like living in the Home Counties.

Downside: Almost like living in the Home Counties.


Everywhere else:

Unacceptable

The author works on the buyside and does not live in Clapham.

Comments (29)

Comments
  1. Chiswick was perfect for me when I lived there, the rest of London is just to busy and dirty.

  2. You seem to have neglected our Small Provincial Town.

    Why – because Charlie and me live there. reasonable dry cleaning costs, good local, mountains, beaches etc

    Downside – Charlie lives there, you probably don’t need to dry clean as often as you did before, quite hard to find. more of a state of mind

  3. The author lives in Hackney Wick and rides a fixie bike. he is the ultimate hipster. What a load of nonsense!

  4. You do not know London that well either. How about Regents Park,
    Belsize Park, Hampstead and West Hampstead. Classy and expensive.

  5. this guys knows london as well as a French tourist … how sad. St Johns Wood High St too expensive for you?

  6. Nothing further north of the river than Islington. Right. Most authoritative then…

  7. How on Earth can this website publish such a useless article??? Is it a feel-good message to those living in overpriced tiny one-beds in Notting Hill and co..?

  8. Agree with Tony – Belsize Park, Prim rose Hill, Hampstead would actually be my favourite picks.
    Also, Maida Vale and Warwick Avenue (Little Venice) appear to be missing here

  9. No St John’s Wood??? what an absolute joke…

  10. So St Katherine’s Docks, with a view of your yacht, is unacceptable? That’s news to me.

  11. Pretentious article. The writer is part of the reason bankers are the most hated profession in the world now… Only seriously superficial and insecure people judge others by what part of a city they live in. As if you have to be some part of a collective postcode mindset, please! Don’t follow the rest of the city sheep (many of whom can barely afford their mortgages and school fees nowdays anyhow). PS – watch comedy scene ‘I saw you coming’ in Harry Enfield’s new show to see what I mean!

  12. I want those 90 seconds of my life back. The guy who wrote this is probably just another chair-moistening, middle office drone who thinks he’s a ‘banker’.

  13. Bankers cant afford belgravia, glad you cleared that up.

  14. No-one fancy Wapping then? River view, quiet streets and running distance to Fleet street.

  15. What a dude!! No clue at all about London, that’s right, a french guy who just moved in here last here year probably….Noting Hill and Canary at the same sentence haha…where do you find these guys Sarah?? I wonder if they actually get paid for this.

  16. Fulham, Maida Vale, Wimbledon…this guy doesn’t know London at all. Also, nobody lives in Covent Garden, from any walk of life.

  17. I live in Brixton where my diminishing banking salary still makes me look rich.

  18. Canary Wharf Tier 2 ?? !!! How sad …

  19. I personally prefer the mansion in Oxfordshire while taking a chopper to work…

    Great article.. all those who don’t like it, stop taking yourself so seriously… it’s just a bit of fun.

  20. This is simply rot. Investment bankers who have actually made it tend to live out of London and commute in (perhaps owning a flat in one of the mentioned places). Typical places for the family home, however, include the Chilterns (Amersham, Beaconsfield, Chorleywood, Gerrards Cross) pockets of Essex and Surrey. Why do you think these places are so expensive? And if you need proof take a look at this Telegraph list (which names Amersham, Beaconsfield and GX as the top three in the country):

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/property/3361042/Britains-richest-towns-10-1.html

  21. I’ve lived in Amersham for 15 years. Those who aren’t investment bankers are lawyers at top firms, surgeons or simply loaded with family money. We have a choice of car garages here which probably points to the wealth of the area: Aston Martin or Jag (for the less well off there are Audi and Alfa). Wouldn’t live in central London if you paid me! Even the nice places are far too close to slums. Fact is I have money and want to be out of the smog, like all those people who move here. Just 55 mins into Moorgate and yet in the countryside proper. No crime. Decent schools. Decent people. Never heard of anyone who has truly made it still iving in London.

  22. Very useful discussion, as usual ……… We need first-hand market and recruitment info, not useless articles like this one.

  23. When I get to another banker’s place there is a moment of sheer panic when I realize that their apartment overlooks the park and is obviously more expensive than mine.

  24. erm I am pretty sure the author meant the article as being light-hearted rather than authoritative. Oh and for the Amersham lovers out there – I grew up there…please spare your children the boredom I endured.

  25. dibs – where would you rather they live? In the excitement of Hampstead so they could take a 5 min walk to the slums and get knifed?

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