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Ask the Headhunter: I Burned Out and Burned My Bridges. What Now?
Jul 27, 2010
A reader asks: My most recent boss was a very dynamic manager who gave me lots of opportunities for advancement. I've really learned a lot. But I think I blew it. The last three months were very stressful for me and just two days ago I quit. I left my boss in the lurch - didn't even give him notice. I was just burned out and didn't know where to turn. He's a great guy, but he just kept piling on the work and I got to the point where I couldn't keep my head above water. Some tasks really required someone higher-level than me, but I managed to get them done, working till after midnight at home and on weekends. My husband and kids just learned to live without me for a while.
I do not just leave jobs, but I just didn't feel capable any more. I know it was poor judgment to not give notice. What should I do next?
Nick's Advice:
I've known some very talented people who dug themselves into a hole they could not escape, except the way you did. That's not good. It's a vicious cycle.
A person takes a job and realizes it's more than she can handle (it happens to guys, too, of course). She works harder and longer hours to get the work done, afraid she'll get fired. The harder she works, the more she gets done. The more she gets done, the more work and responsibility the boss gives her. (Bosses are guilty of making this situation worse because they often take advantage of this kind of worker).
Now she gets deeper into "the hole." Stress builds, she sleeps less, worries more, and starts making mistakes. I've seen people get physically ill at this point. She's afraid to turn any work away - that would look bad. However, she is unable to do it properly. Soon the spiral downward gets fast and dizzy. She can't tell the boss - she's afraid she'll lose his respect. Finally, she snaps and leaves, unable to face the boss or her co-workers. Worse, she can't face herself and her self-confidence is seriously damaged.
All because she took on more than she could honestly handle. Rather than face the problem and the boss, people too often try to hide it. The truth is, the job is not for them, and killing themselves trying to do it hurts everyone.
My message is not just to workers here. It's to bosses, too. If a job is too much for someone, stop and face the problem. Don't create more problems by ignoring it till it's too late.
My advice to you: Find a job you want to do and that you can do well. Be honest with the interviewer, and focus on what you can do for the business. Grow your career slowly and carefully, and base your success on the new skills you build - not on how much work you're willing to take on to prove something. Let your boss know when the work gets to be too much. There's a difference between "not doing your job" and "having too much job to do."
I wish you the best.
Copyright © 2010 Nick Corcodilos. All rights reserved. Ask The Headhunter® is a registered trademark. Nick Corcodilos is president of North Bridge Group, Inc. and the author of two new e-books, How to Work with Headhunters and How Can I Change Careers? He shares his contrarian advice and hopes to learn a lot from you, too. Got questions or comments? Please join the discussion!
