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Morning Coffee: Credit Suisse bonuses to fall 60%. The laziest bankers in the world.

Credit Suisse bonuses

Scourge of bonuses?

It’s not just Deutsche Bank. Ever since John Cryan declared himself mystified as to why receiving a bonus would ever make anyone work harder, it’s been clear that bonuses at the German bank might not be the greatest this year. But while everyone’s been gazing at the house of Cryan, they’ve been neglecting the house of Thiam.

The Sunday Times has helped set things straight. The paper suggests that bonuses at Tidjane Thiam’s Credit Suisse could fall by 60% this year. It doesn’t give any reason for this, but we can think of several. Firstly, Thiam is an insurance man by trade, and insurance companies’ bonuses are diminutive compared to investment banks’.  Secondly, Thiam is making thousands of redundancies and Credit Suisse bankers can count themselves lucky if they even have a job under his reign. And thirdly, Thiam has explicitly and emphatically said that investment banking staff at Credit Suisse are subordinate to private bankers, and can – we suppose – expect to be paid accordingly.

Separately, everyone knows that bankers work hard. That 70, 80 – maybe even 90 hour weeks are a thing in finance. – And that this is one of the reasons why pay for juniors in investment banks is so extraordinarily high.  

However, just because some juniors in IBD are slogging away all day and night, that doesn’t mean that every ‘banker’ or person who works in ‘banking’ exhibits a similar degree of dedication. Take, for example, the client on-boarding and anti-money laundering specialists at Barclays Wealth. Several years ago, they were asked to conduct proper investigative checks into some new ‘politically exposed’ ultra high net worth clients. Such was these clients’ degree of political exposure, that Barclays’ on-boarders should have done some especially heavy due diligence into where their money came from. Instead, Bloomberg reports that Barclays’ people just did a bit of Googling and left it at that. Needless to say, Barclays was fined £72m last week for failing to conduct all the proper checks. Let that be a warning to anyone who would shirk in future.

Meanwhile:

Banking pay needs to fall by ‘well over a third.’ (Financial Times)

Deutsche Bank won’t be accepting any new clients until it’s sure that it’s checking them all properly. (Bloomberg)

Bank of America’s Structured Equity Finance and Trading (SEFT) unit, which helped clients’ reduce tax exposure, is no more. (WSJ) 

Deutsche Bank is still devising tax avoidance strategies for its most important clients. (Financial Times)

Jes Staley officially starts at Barclays on Tuesday. He’ll learn whether the bank passed the latest stress test at 6am on his first day. (Reuters)

100,000 London banking jobs could disappear if the UK votes to leave the EU:  “We get approaches all the time from Europeans saying ‘please move here, we’ll give you tax breaks’.” (Evening Standard)

How to find a finance job when you graduate in the middle of a banking crisis: “I was convinced, that if I wanted it enough, I would be good enough to find something.” (Bloomberg) 

Credit Suisse and Goldman Sachs have set up private equity-style funds to invest in hedge funds. (Financial Times)

Ex-ABN AMRO, ex-Barclays banker Stuart Ord, has just joined Numis as a director in corporate broking and advisory. (Financial News)

Serge Marston, ex-head of e-Commerce sales at Deutsche Bank, is joining ICAP. (Financial News) 

Professional day trader doubles as magician. (WSJ)

30 year-old child star marries 46 year-old hoary banker. (PageSix)

Where to take a ‘proper’ winter vacation when you work on Wall Street. (CNBC)

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