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Morning Coffee: 3,000 job cuts coming at J.P. Morgan’s CIB? How to spot Goldman Sachs bankers at a party

J. P. Morgan’s investment bankers have had it easy. While other banks have been making the kinds of organisation-changing job cuts from which there’s no coming back, J.P. Morgan has until now been content with chopping a few hundred technology staff and some equities traders. That, however, could be about to change.

According to Charles Gasparino, veteran finance journalist, senior Fox News Correspondent and all-round pugnacious person, J.P. Morgan is on the cusp of some dramatic job cuts in its corporate and investment bank. In a tweet yesterday, Gasparino said J.P. Morgan ‘executives’ are bracing for layoffs of 5%-7% in the corporate and investment bank. Based on fourth quarter headcount, this suggests anything from 2,500 to 3,500 people could go from the U.S. bank soon.

Are Gasparino’s figures correct? J.P. Morgan hasn’t commented. However, one insider tells us any cuts so far have been minimal. ” I heard some people were ‘communicated’ but in a much smaller scale than we expected,” he says. ” –  “Also people leave in quiet fashion. Others realise only after weeks they ‘go for their holidays’ or when email addresses are unreachable.”

Separately, Fortune has provided some helpful tips on spotting Goldman Sachs bankers at parties. ‘Among the typical techie crowd of young founders in start-up t-shirts, flip-flops and wayfarers, a small handful of older men–sporting gelled hair, crisp button-ups, expensive blazers, khaki pants and square-toed dress shoes–observed the action like party chaperones,” writes Fortune’s observer. Having spotted a journalist in their midst, one of the Goldman bankers was seen to, “move his Oakley sunglasses, which had been hanging around his neck via neck strap, onto his face like a professional poker player trying to hide his thoughts.”

Meanwhile:

Suggestions that Standard Chartered might want to leave London. ‘Most of the bank’s 86,000-plus workforce are based in Asia, the Middle East and Africa, but its headquarters and top managers are in London.’ (Financial Times) 

How a charming, privately-educated, physically imposing, 6 foot 2 trader, who was born in Wimbledon, came downstairs in his new white dressing gown on his 41st birthday and was arrested for insider trading. (Bloomberg) 

Michael Corbat had a 10% pay cut. He will be paid $13m for 2014, despite Citi failing the stress test the first time, having problems with its Mexico unit and becoming embroiled in the FX scandal. (WSJ)

Ex-Goldman Sachs partners’ hedge fund lost a lot of money on the Swiss franc and now owes Citi, it’s prime broker, up to $35m. (WSJ)

The new mathematics of venture capital. (BRW)

In which Jim Reid, Deutsche Bank economist, sings along to Rihanna whilst playing the piano. (Business Insider) 


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