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Morning Coffee: Idiot hedge fund analyst blows entire £1.2m bonus; JPMorgan is compensating for its plan to pay flat

What Steve Cohen aspired to in his hospitality tent

What Steve Cohen aspired to in his hospitality tent

What do you do with a $2m (£1.2m) ill-gotten bonus? Invest it? Buy a country house? Buy a town house? Place it in a high interest bank account? Jesse Tortora, an analyst at hedge fund Diamondback Capital Management, did none of the above. Having earned a £1.2m bonus in 2008 for providing his boss with illegal tips on Dell Inc, Tortura confesses that he “spent the money a bit excessively.”

To be precise, Tortura blew £250k spread betting. He blew another £100k gambling in Las Vegas. When he left Diamondback in early 2010, Tortura had only £300k of his windfall left. He’s since spent around £250k in legal fees and now only has £60k (including, we assume, £10k from elsewhere), left in the bank. Let this be a warning to anyone else who would spend their bonus unwisely.

Separately, JPMorgan is said to have already decided its bonuses and they’re said to be flat on 2012. This isn’t great, if you’re a JPMorgan banker with a spending habit. However, the good news is that JPMorgan’s share price is now at its highest level ever since Jamie Dimon became CEO in 2006. The Wall Street Journal points out that shares in the bank reached $58.07 yesterday, the highest they’ve been since 1999 and 2000. The bank’s rising share price follows its $13bn settlement with the U.S. government and should go some way towards appeasing the disgruntlement of high-spending JPMorgan employees paid in the bank’s own shares.

Meanwhile:

McKinsey has been hiring a lot of MBAs, and pays more than banks. (Poetsandquants)

Neeraj Sahai, former head of Citi’s custody division, is becoming chief executive of S&P. (Financial Times)

UBS has shaken up its debt capital markets business and launched an event driven team. (Reuters)

‘After thinking it over I would like to disregard my application I sent this past week out for recruitment for Wells Fargo securities. Looking at my resume again I realize I can do way way better than Wells Fargo and I don’t want to settle for less.’ (Dealbreaker)

Student suggests Wells Fargo Securities is replete with boners and dufuses, Bank of America is far more appealing. (BusinessInsider)

I reached new highs on Brick Breaker one year during compliance training. My compliance education that year was still complete. (Guardian) 

Steven A. Cohen, sponsored a balloon-inflation party on Saturday in its hometown, Stamford. In a low-key hospitality tent, the only occupants were private security guards, food servers and two hired men, one dressed as Santa and the other, a dwarf. (NYT)

 

 

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