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Morning Coffee: JPMorgan has already decided its bonuses, and….Abnormally upper class banker invites you to hedonistic parties

When not playing polo...

When not playing polo...

If you work at JPMorgan and were hoping you’d have a few more weeks to impress your boss before your bonus is determined, then bad luck: according to Reuters, the bank “largely set” its bonuses this week. If you work at JPMorgan and were hoping for a far larger bonus than last year, then bad luck again: Reuters reports that this year’s JPMorgan bonuses will be “roughly flat” compared to last year’s on a per person basis and that they will probably lag the market.

The reason for JPMorgan’s bonus modesty is self-evident: the bank is paying a $13bn fine for misdemeanours past. ‘Unexpected changes’ [more fines] in the final six weeks of the year could lead to the bank’s bonus pool diminishing further, Reuters says.

Separately, the Evening Standard has unearthed a contender for the most upper class banker in the world. Jacobi Anstruther-Gough-Calthorpe went to prep school with Prince William, studied at Harrow and is a descendant of the Gough Calthorpe family which once owned a lot of land around Birmingham.

Today, it seems that the Gough-Calthorpes must work, and Jacobi is employed at Forbes Private Client Group, where he’s toiled since March 2012. However, he also has a little side venture in the form of a club night called ‘Housekeeping’ at Koko in North London. The Evening Standard reported that Jacobi was selling tickets for this weekend’s ‘hedonistic’ Housekeeping evening for £500 per person. Further investigation by us reveals they’re a mere £22.50, however.

Meanwhile:

Goldman says it didn’t make a huge FX loss in the third quarter. (Financial Times) 

Michael Sherwood says Goldman Sachs may not develop its new Farringdon office – all depends on whether the UK stays in the EU. (Channel 4)

Bank of America staff will be questioned about working conditions as part of the investigation into Moritz Erhardt’s death. (Bloomberg)

Group chatrooms also out of bounds to traders now. (Financial Times)

The FBI visited the home of Robert Walden, a Deutsche Bank director, after he made some inappropriate comments about manipulating the market. Walden said he was just joking. (Wall Street Journal) 

Google launches new ‘Google shopping’ feature for Christmas. (Google) 

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