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‘My 7 is your 9 bro’ and the other most arrogant tweets from Goldman’s inside man

Famed Twitter handle Goldman Sachs Elevator (@GSElevator), the anonymous banker that feeds the world blush-inducing Wall Street banter, is finally looking to monetize his immense following. The unidentified Goldmanite – or possibly former Goldmanite – who for more than two years has been tweeting about all the unspeakably tasteless, sexist and racist conversations he’s overheard while working at the bank, is shopping a book deal.

The proposal, first reported by New York Magazine, is rather eye-opening, and half suggests that @GSElevator may not be working at Goldman anymore (he says he is willing to embrace his identity if revealed, although he won’t voluntarily shed the mask himself). The book, tagged with the working title Straight to Hell: True Tales of Deviance and Excess in the World of Investment Banking, would be a collection of stories written in the same vein as his tweets, only they’d be as lengthy as 4,000 words, rather than 140 characters.

We learn a few things from the proposal. One: the anonymous banker works – or worked – in fixed income while stationed in New York, London and Hong Kong. He also appears to embrace his celebrity, documenting for publishers his long list of big-name followers and his propensity to elicit retweets. He sells himself – aggressively.

Anyway, we’ll have to wait and see if the book gets picked up, but in the meantime we thought we’d put together a collection of some of the craziest, most arrogant things he’s purportedly overheard. Below is our top 10, if you will. Enjoy, if you can.

10. “Some chick asked me what I would do with 10 million bucks. I told her I’d wonder where the rest of my money went.”

9. “If you brag about starting at the bottom and making it to the top, you are probably still closer to the bottom.”

8. “’Just be yourself’ is good advice to probably 5% of people.”

7. “I’ll take a girl with a sharp wit. Wits never sag.”

6. “Why would I marry? It’s betting some chick half my net worth that I will love her forever.”

5. “My 7 is your 9 bro.”

4. “Is that a brown suit? The back office is in Jersey City, pal.”

3. “Tattoos aren’t my thing. That’d be like putting a bumper sticker on a Lamborghini.”

2. “If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying… Because if you’re good at lying, you’re good at everything.”

1. “If there is a chick behind me, I always leave my receipt in the machine so she can see the balance.”

Comments (6)

Comments
  1. Good Morning,
    Number 2 is the reason much of Wall street is down and under-under indictment and even worse severe jail imprisonment. If
    you are excellent at lying :you are excellent at being worthless since no one can trust you and in that business if your word is not your bond if your word is not
    as good as an excellent handshake if your word means your signature is
    fake or not true to its ink then you are toast or as they say at the top YOU ARE AN X AS IS GONE GONE GONE AS IN BYE BYE BYE
    Miss T Rezler AGH(E)

  2. Weird comment… you think wall street is the only place that lies?
    What about an apple advert? all true? Samsung? yeah right? what about Louis Vuitton making women believe they ‘need’ that bag worth 3 grand?

    Advertising is lying – period. If we were completely truthful about our weaknesses at interviews, hardly any of us would have jobs.

    They are just confident – that’s all. If you were at Goldman, you would be the same, and if you were successful at Goldman – you would not quit. You would only quit if you couldn’t make any headway there – wonder about the meaning of life and tell yourself that you are better off elsewhere.

    There’s nothing wrong with these guys, they have done well in life and are a little too up themselves – so what?

    Why do you think you will be different if you were as successful as they are?

  3. An investment banker that “..sells himself – aggressively” ? That should narrow the field of possible candidates considerably.

  4. i will humbly admit that i have no idea what ‘my 7 is your 9 bro means’.
    let the condemnation fly if it gets you off (i’ll ignore it for what it is) or, preferably, someone enlighten me what it means.
    and, actually, i did work on wall street (trader/specialist) so i am from the industry. just never heard that phrase.
    if it’s obvious, i apologize in advance for being oblivious.
    thx

  5. Means: the women you rate 9 on a scale of 1 to 10 are 7 on my scale, i.e. I apply higher standards than you when it comes to womens’ looks…

  6. “My 7 is your 9 bro”

    I’ll take a stab and say that he’s referring to rating women on a scale of 1-10, 10 being obviously the pinnacle. What you rate as a 9, he would rate as a 7, he’s implying that he’s seen (and possibly experienced better).

    Typical big swinging d!ck theme which is evident in all the other tweets.

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