SG
Are long hours, high pressure and bonus obsession worth it? The premature death of a close relative has helped one ex-banker put things into perspective.
Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions about my recent life. My cousin, one of my best friends and more akin to a sister than a cousin, died two weeks ago at just 42. A life tragically cut short, suddenly one sunny January Monday morning. She leaves behind a husband, two young toddlers who don’t understand what has happened and will not remember their mother, and a wealth of grief compounded by legal and tax hell.
For 15 years I worked hard in the City. I was obsessed with doing a good job, working long hours, winning mandates, getting paid and promoted. It was exciting to be a ‘name’ in the market and to be cited in the financial press. It gave me a buzz.
The accolades of my clients and colleagues were crystallized in a year-end review and bonus number. I felt worthy.
My firm had a genuine commitment to work-life balance, and as an MD, I was encouraged to promote it. But for most of my career, I didn’t really follow it myself. Many of the people I worked with were the same: we thrived in the high pressure environment. I had an adrenaline rush from going to work, wrapped up in the excitement of doing deals.
My friends stopped calling me as I was never available (or if I did make plans I generally had to change them), my husband was fed up with the phone ringing in the middle of the night, and at me for constantly focusing on my Blackberry. I didn’t care; I was seduced by my work. I was ensconced in my own bubble.
These days, I think about my cousin, her children and husband constantly. The things I could have said and done. How often I blew her off because I had to work, how often I forgot to call back, called her back with my mind on other things, didn’t go to see her, was critical of her. I can’t sleep.
I quit work 18 months ago to spend time with my family, to change my life, to get to know my children, to reconnect with my husband, to have a life. Yes, we have less money than before – we have gone from two incomes to one. But we are happier. The stress has dissipated. My husband and I have a normal relationship. Our children know both their parents. It was the right decision. My life has moved on. I wish I could have shared it with my cousin for longer.
A touching story, and my condolences to you and her family.
How many people though are in a position to just give up their job and rely upon their husbands salary ? A single parent for example, who would be ridiculed for daring to live off the state to reconnect with their children, or a couple both at work struggling to meet normal living expenses living in standard accomodation.
Unfortunately for many long hours and stress ( which is evident in all levels of work not just the top ) are an all too common necessitity, a legacy of the ‘Thatcher years’perhaps ?
But your point is a valid one, similar to couples waiting for financial security before having children…….before you know it ! As in the case of your friend it’s too LATE !
A poignant tale indeed. I am very sorry about your loss. Most of what you say is well known by people in the City. These are 10-15 year jobs and then one either one has made enough money to retire or one has to step down for family reasons etc and moves into a less pressured job. While this is okay for females who perhaps have the option of looking after family, for many guys who still have 20-30 years of professional life left, is burn out at 35 really the best model forward? The advantage of being a professional, whether dr, lawyer (like me) or accountant is that we can continue to work and earn good money throughout our lives – very important as a guy. Of course you have to pick a branch of the law where you can continue for longer and regionally etc – so tax versus just equity derivatives.
So it is worth it if one has planned a life with more time for family in 30s etc – city experience and work ethic can be very valuable. If one is just blindly continuing in dead end roles with no future, obviously its not worth the sacrifice for someone with the intelligence and grades to have a better life.
So what’s so unique about quitting your job to find a family, and what took you so long to find the guts to do that? Or was this just some script from Chickensoup for the Banker’s soul?
Most people run their jobs out of sheer need. Very few truly love their jobs. This isn’t Banking centric.
Your husband & kids are probably the ones who deserve the pat on the back for waiting for you to return.
In the long run, you won’t take your money with you. They’ll probably end up as taxes.
Bit of a broad topic though really. Depends on each persons circumstances. Savings, marital status, hours worked etc. The key was balance.
I am very sorry for your loss. Looks like you loved your job and I have always envied people who love their jobs. In the end of the day work is considerable and important part of life and I can’t think of anything worse than being stuck on a job you hate or don’t have passion for. Your story clearly shows that it is important however to find balance, but we all know that it is impossible to do M&A with half the effort or 9am to 5pm. Perhaps you could have moved within the bank to less pressured environment? I believe, if you spent most of your life at home raising kids, you would think, what your life would be like had you followed your dream. I have to say that I admire you for getting that far in the investment bank, it’s certainly harder for women. All the best!
I’m very sorry for your cousin especially for her children and the husband. Your problem I don’t think it was banking but rather the greedy attitude which overcome almost every human being when they are put in front the possibility to conquest material things. Stress, pressure, frustration, long hours are things that you get even in a 1,500 a month job without even the benefit to dream to retire one day and spend full time with your family. The most difficult thing in life is to find a balance whatever you do, which most of the times require to make difficult decisions and take positions even against what other people consider just NORMAL behavior. I think you’re very lucky to have had the possibility to retire and possibly even with the perception of a lower family income you probably still live in the same house with pretty much the same life style!
My deepest condolences for your cousin but still I believe that 99% of the people of this world has much more serious issues to deal with on their ordinary day than redemption from wealth and success!!! ;-)
Take care
An ex Investment Banker!
This story rings true. Two close colleagues of mine had nervous breakdowns. Their managers should have seen it coming, but they were too self obsessed to prevent what is essentailly a work injury. (one toady manager remarked that it was good news for the bonus pool) Had it been a broken limb in a manufacturing environment, action would have been taken but in the City, bullying is seen as busines as usual. I have worked in other industries and the Banking industry has the worst all round managers of the lot.
I wish more people dared enough.
That’s very sad.
To another commenter, re. the point that a lot of couples need to both work: the point is that from M&A, cutting back to a 9 to 5 job would be like taking a sabbatical. I work crazy hours too, have lost touch with many friends, and keep telling myself: just one more year…
The City in London and Wall street are a complete distortion of what once was to work in the financial markets. Once it was about glamour, lifesttyle and charm. The profession was predominatly by graduates of Economic or Business today totally contaminated by rocket scientists with PHd in astro-physics and worse.. lawyers. However, balanced life and great lifestyle still can be easily found in less neurotic financial centers like Geneva, Dubai, Singapore or Miami. Try the change even for a lower salary I am sure if you are a passionate for financial markets like me you won’t regret.
This is twaddle of the most spurious kind. Let’s talk about why tomatos should be called fruit instead.
I was a trader for a number of years and then did a stint in City recruitment, all whilst spending 10 years in London. I have now left the Big Smoke and live and work in the country. I can honestly say that I have never been happier. All those big bonuses and big cigars somehow pale compared to working a few miles from home and living in beautiful countryside. My days are spent in country pubs with welcoming open fires, populated by people who actually make things for a living. Did you even realise that farriers and wheelwrights still (ever??) existed?! What with our two cats and sheep on our land, I can think of now place I would rather NOT be than working in a “face time” job that I hate in the City. Unfortunately we are not all like Yoda, and we won’t live 900 years, so think carefully about what’s really for you – because you only get one shot at it.
Having been fired myself quite recently, I have to agree with the tone of the article. I am a much better person now, feel happier and definitely healthier, and don’t care a monkey about money. However, all this is much easier with a good pocket of money in the bank, and you must have more than me!
No, it doesn’t worth
Quite a touching story indeed! And I am very sorry for your loss. I must however point out like a lot of other readers that stress and long hours come as standard with highly paid jobs. It is predominantly a case of having more by working more scenario for most of us. We are willing to make sacrifices to reach a goalpost; unless and until you have lost something along the way it is usually too late to stop. I myself am a workaholic but when my freinds phone me up i can’t resist to go out with them. No to say that it is affecting my zeal to have more, if anything it is adding to it. The more you spend the more you want to fill the pot! Finally, i would say that the reason why we are becoming so work orientated is because it is hard to see you colleagues/ freinds climbing up the ladder and you stuck at one level, no matter how well paid the position is.
Whatever, your priorites in life changed as you get old, and you’ve made enough money to make a choice now, big deal.
Not sure what Chris in Private Banking is smoking. Bankers are still arrogant dumbasses with degrees, not capable of “contamination” by better breeds.
A touching story, it is. But also a quite jovial one. Does Ms. MD really want to make us believe she would have done the same things, made the same decisions to give up her banking career if she had not piled up 10 years worth of bonuses (I simply assume the first 5 years pay were diddly)but would have faced family tragedy as a mid range VP or Director. My personal guess is she would have put on a brave and cynic face and dug in her heels for another few years hanging on. It’s nice to give the Canary Wharf masses, 95% of which will never make it to MD, a sermon from the top. Let’s make it more tangible for Ms moral high ground MD: If you could get back the last 3 years of your life what percentage you be willing to give up of your bonus pile that paid off the South Ken mortgage, filled your kids tuition pool for the kids, helped on the down payment for the Yacht time share and finally spilled over into the Jersey trust account?
Would you hand it all back if you would get the last 15 years of your life in exchange?
We all know what happens to most MDs at one point or another when their rev growth curve turns flat. The lifestyle argument is just the most convenient excuse.
I have made a strong career move recently, going (back) to academia after 11 years hanging around the trading floors in capital markets.
My life now feels like more time, more fun, and much more interesting stuff as well. This change of path was not an entirely trivial decision , it has been very helpful for me to know beforehand what it was like to have different fields of interest than earning more and making the company earn more… because I think I already knew that you can live a good life without the lure of big payouts and more management responsibilities.
Some people may be happy this way, but most, even the very successful ones, are simply burnt out come 40. And the thing is, retiring rich at 45/50 is not the same thing as hitting the road at 20, you are already solidified inside and changes come harder.
Anyway, cheers to the author and best of luck for her new life.
I turned the telly on as a 14 yr old in 1994. I saw an absolute maniac in an aquamarine F1 car cavort around a racetrack…this guy was on the edge, sideways, every lap every corner…I loved him instantly…little did I know it was Schuey. The next day Ratzenberger died. The day after Senna.
Did Schuey stop? No. Why? Goals were to be achieved – the hunger was there. In the above scenario ceteris paribus if I was 24 would I stop? No. I would still spit blood to make it to MD. That is youth. In youth when you are committed you can bend drop forged steel with bare hands.
When you are older you look around and you turn your attention to other things. If you were 24 today, today was Sunday (race day) two deaths in the 2 previous days what would you do? You’d line up on the grid thinking of only one thing – the chequered flag. Burning desire to achieve something? Yes.Inhuman? Probably.
Immoral? No.
I left the business 3 years ago (luckily with enough money to not have to work again) to spend more time with my wife and teenage kids (before they were gone to the next stage in their lives – the kids that is!).
There is a great, interesting, challenging and diverse world out there full of people at least as smart, hard working and less arrogant.
If you can ‘pull the rip cord’ and get out I thoroughly recommend it!!
I work for the best i-bank (MS) and I work very hard for my bonus.
I can also recommend a move abroad, in my case Switzerland. I feel like I am on holiday even when I am working. Don’t believe the Jeremy Clarkson view of the world, the grass IS greener in Europe.
All this talk of retiring and sabaticals send shivers down my spine. Give me a burnt out MD and I shall give you………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… acase of Moet Chandon when I’ve placed them at Big Dollars Investment Bank
PS on a more serious note- sorry about the cousin
There are so many other ways to make money, Ibers just lack risk appetite and creativity. Flogging yourself and flogging other people to make a buck aint so smart. you can live with it, like every other banker i have seen destroy their life in the process of feeding their inner greed and lusts. No sympathy for a wayward greedy banker, you knew the chalice was poisoned when you chose to drink from it.
only nervous breakdown types who can’t hack it leave the City. good riddance.
Great post Schuey. Would Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods trade all those months and years he spen on the road away from his family? Ditto Tiger Woods. “work, sacrifice, perseverance, competitive drive, selflessness and respect for authority is the price that each and every one of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile.” V.Lombardi
completely agree with Chris from private banking- i moved to the buy side in Switzerland. I love my work, I am well paid and have a fantastic quality of life. You cannot put a price on your sanity and health….sadly, many only realize after personal tragedy strikes…..